More Kids?

Not even three weeks had passed since baby A left our home before our caseworker was calling us again. "Amy, there is a 7 day old baby girl at the hospital who needs a home, would you & Joel be willing to be her foster parents? I hesitated to call you because I know you are going through a lot, but figured I'd give it a try".  

I love babies, especially newborns. We have a minivan, a car seat, and a nursery packed full of baby girl clothes. We even have a big brother who misses having a baby sister to cuddle with, give kisses to, and tickle.  Our life is set up for a baby right now. How could we possibly say no?

I asked our caseworker, "well, what happens if Baby A would need a home, what would I do with this baby?" Her response, "well, if you have the room, then you can take both, but if not, we'd find another home for Baby A."  My heart felt torn. I knew this 7 day old baby needed a home now. I had no idea if Baby A would ever need a foster home again or if she would need a home tomorrow, but I knew we didn't have the space for both. 

I ask our caseworker to give me a few minutes. I hung up the phone and just start balling my eyes out. I'm not ready for this. Joel's not ready and our toddler needs us. Yet, I feel so selfish. I desperately want to love these precious orphans in our neighborhood, yet my heart is so full of pain. I turned to Joel who hugged me and said, "Amy, not now, we need to save a place in our home for Baby A in case she ever needs a safe home to live". 

A couple of months have passed and we have received additional phone calls for other children and every time we have said no. I cannot begin to tell you how heart wrenching it is to say no to a child who is just sitting in a hospital nursery with no family or a little boy just waiting at a police station with no one coming or to hear our caseworker tell us she had 8 children in one week during the overnight shift alone who she could not find a home for.

We do not know what the future will hold for Baby A or for our family. We are and always have been open to having our "own" children and open to taking additional foster children, but in the future. Right now, we must give time for our hearts to heal. Time for lots of love to be given to our toddler. Time to gain a better sense of what is happening in Baby A's case.

We always plan to leave a spot in our home for Baby A. One of the reasons foster children are in 20 different homes by the time they turn 5 years old is because after leaving one foster home, the first foster family takes in another child and has no room for the child that was originally placed with them. We hate to think of Baby A having another transition in her life of potentially living with another family. We are choosing to be committed to Baby A for the long term. 

Honestly, we're not exactly sure what the future holds for our family, but know right now our love and focus is on our little toddler and hope to someday add a younger sibling when our toddler is ready!