Another Call This AM

It happened again this morning. Another phone call that took my breath away. It was my kid’s lawyer.  I was a little surprised when I saw her number pop up on my phone. We haven’t talked since adoption day 8 months ago. 

Our life has felt like a whirlwind the last couple of years. I’ve been working almost FT most weeks while staying home with our 3 young kids. Joel is in ministry and has a unique schedule. We are redoing our house, not just painting it, but a total gut job on many rooms ourselves. In our “free time”, we are drafting a very complex, detailed business plan for another dream we have in our hearts to hopefully start in the next year or two.  Two of our kids are adopted through a very traumatic past. They require patience, love, and guidance in a way that only other adoptive families could understand.

“Hello?”

“Hi Amy. I wanted to let you know what just came through on my email today. Birth mom recently had a baby. Baby is in a shelter home. I do not want you to feel any pressure, but wanted to check to see if you might be interested in taking the baby.”

My heart stopped. I knew this call may come someday, but wasn’t ready for it today.  My inbox was full. My work phone was ringing constantly. My kids needed me. My attic needs another coat of paint and I have no idea what dinner will consist of tonight. The last phone call I expected to receive was that a baby that felt like mine was waiting for a mommy to hold him.

Joel and I have said countless times that we are really enjoying just having 3 kids. We like that all 3 kids fit in our minivan nicely with even a little extra space for groceries. We like that our house feels like the perfect size for them.  We like that we’ll be empty nesters at 46.   We like that we are just starting to get more sleep recently. We like that all 3 of our kids can walk on their own and even hold each other’s hands through busy parking lots. But, we’ve said many times that we never want to be closed to God’s plan even if it feels completely crazy to us. 

I tried hard today to type those emails, finish those phone calls, and write the contracts, but it wasn’t easy and more work still awaits me tonight.  I know this baby isn’t “mine”, but it is my son and daughter’s brother. It always will be. Nothing will change that.  No courts decision of where this baby will live forever will ever change the fact that they are family by blood. 

My heart was sad today, all day.  I was sad for this little baby being tossed around to various homes right now. I was sad for the trauma this is causing him that will be carried with him the rest of his life.  I was sad for birth mom. She’s recovering from a long pregnancy and hard labor alone, without a baby to cuddle. I was sad for my kids and the loss of a sibling. They don’t feel it now, but may have many, many questions about this when they’re older.  I was sad for our family. I was sad knowing that I am most likely the person who knows this case better than anyone else. I'm the only foster mom who has read hundreds of pages of records on them. I'm the only one  who remembers even the tiniest details of their family. I’d love for this baby to fit  into our family, but honestly cannot imagine the chaos it would add right now.  Six, twelve months from now, I think it would be a different story, but right now just feels too early. 

We plan to pray and ask others to pray with us the next few days.  God will have to work a miracle in our hearts for us to consider the baby long term.  We just don’t feel it would be a good choice for our other 3 young kids. Parenting trauma children is difficult.  Difficult is an understatement. Some moments feel impossible around here.  They need us desperately right now.

We are considering taking the baby short term.  We are talking to any foster family we know asking if they are interested in this sweet little man, and we will do whatever we can to build a relationship with him and our kids no matter where he ultimately is placed.  

So, tonight, we ask that you’d pray. Pray for birth mom. Pray for birth dad. Pray for this baby. Pray for a long-term foster family for him.  Pray for the court hearings, caseworker visits, and therapists that await this little guy’s life.

Foster care is messy, it’s hard, and it hurts.  We just ask that you’d pray that the best decision would be made for this baby. Pray too that somehow in some way God would do a really cool thing in building the relationship between our family and this baby in the future.